Keeping Health Care Costs Down

Having recently escaped from the expensive clutches of a certain health conglomerate whose initials are like those for “kitchen patrol,” I can suggest three tried and true strategies for other health organizations to avoid diagnosis and keep treatment costs down.

1)      Suggest an old-fashioned and painful sounding treatment. “We can stick a hot electrode into your sinus and cauterize.” (No need to offer a diagnosis.) This shuts them up every time.

2)      In cases where conditions have gotten complicated—in  an older knee joint, for example—diagnose the untreatable condition (say, arthritis) using the least expensive diagnostic tools possible: a cursory hands-on exam and, if necessary, x-ray. Ignore anything that would be costly (like a torn ligament or meniscus).

3)      Insist that there are no diagnostic tools to examine the part of the body where the patient feels pain or discomfort. “That part of the body is essentially a black box.” Further, behave as though the use of the term “referred pain” is an indicator of mental instability.

These methods have served the Kitchen Patrol just fine. Give them a try.